2pm


A PRAYER FOR THE STRESSED

Grant me the serenity to accept the things, I cannot change

The courage to change the things I cannot accept.

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today that pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as... they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me, to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 10% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday.

And help me to remember that, when I am having a really bad day and it seems that people are trying to piss me off.

That it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 1 to extend my middle finger and say bite me.

this quirky message was sent to me by my ia partner who always have to listen to my lamentations about the misfortunes that befall me...i think he's a good listener, cos he keeps real quiet when i'm damn pissed...(scared tt he kenna scolded by me)

Today, a colleague from my department said sth hurtful to me...i always do OT and tire myself bcos i think and do so many experiments and type report out for the department. I know, it is a thankless job, and many times, partner and i stayed behind on our own after 5pm to finish the work.

I was rushing on a project tt is of the utmost priority, just have to dismantle the samples and analyse what went wrong, then i have to rush 3 reports. my partner was busy doing some other project assigned to him by the mentor. den this guy came over and asked what other projects we were doing other than the ones above.

XXX: What other projects do you have @ hand?
ME: PMT, open PMT units and reports
Partner: Mini Loop test, will take the entire morning
XXX: Lidia, how long will you need?
ME: Hopefully before lunchtime
XXX: Wut? You need the entire morning? I do PMT only need half an hour, report oso another half an hour. Something must be wrong. Where got pple do pmt do so long one? unless you're doing other things.

(i suddenly felt the urge to defend myself; and i went into defensive mode straight away, cos he stepped on my toes)
ME: there's nth wrong with me, i just dun wan to promise you sth tt i dunno if i can fulfill. ok, i finish my stuff, i will come to you.

after lunch

XXX: how? are you done with the report oredi?
ME: nope, i m finishing oredi...gimme some more time...
XXX: what's wrong with project X? (gives me a look-down-on-you look)
project X got so mafan meh?

(If everything was this easy to solve, why wld i be doing all the disassembly of the failure units, why wld i be be bothered to take so much effort to think and analyse and ask ard for suggestions? I'm just an IA student, not a professional engineer, not some lao jiao who can do tests and experiments @ the speed of light like superman / superwoman)

(He was implying tt the rate i'm doing things is damn slow; kns; i got 4 units to dismantle and take so many pictures, on top of that, 3 pmt reports to write...i took the entire day to finish everything, and even so, that project wasn't completed bcos the reason for failure was puzzling. even my boss oso cldn't come up with any ideas to pinpoint the reason for failure. AND the fact tt he implied tt i was doing other things instead of what is required of me @ work. tamade. i slogged like a cow @ work, exhaust my thinking cap and physical strength and i get this kind of cocky comment from an insensitive new age guy. i'm not slacking @ work loh..at most i stone for a few seconds..not slack for a few hours can..)

and the entire morning and afternoon (before lunchtime), i was super angry with him and was actually swearing under my breath while i was @ the computer and poor partner have to endure for a while before he escape to the lab to do his mini loop testings.

I am surprised @ the amount of angst tt i have inside of me. I think i'm quick to anger, which is not good. The mere tots of betrayal and deceit from friends and loved ones oso trigger my angst and spoil my morning journeys to work, when i can't fall aslp on the bus. I should forgive and forget, but somehow i got super high memory retention about such incidents. Well, humans are by nature, ugly creatures. I have my moments and i have seen the ugly sides of other pple as well. It is scary to realise that pple just like you and me, are capable of doing hurtful things to one another, be it intentionally or unintentionally. The ugly side of my character has been rearing itself (internally inside of me) quite frequently of late, and sometimes i have to get a hold of myself to prevent tears from coming out of my eyes during those solitary moments of reflection on the bus. I'm beginning to dislike myself more and more, i wanna change for the better, but its not sth tt can be achieved overnight..