2pm


After reading Kazuo Ishiguro's book titled "A pale view of hills", a strange sort of melancholy overcame me..probably the characters within the story and i shared a common ground..experiencing unfulfilling and frustrating r/s, just tt one of them married a man who didn't love her enuff, though he worked hard for the family, was a dutiful husband and father, in his own terms, the r/s was still one filled with unspoken unhappiness. Despite this, the main character bore a child for the man, hoping tt somehow, the birth of the child will cause the man to love her more. In the end, the lady divorced with the man, fell in love with a foreigner, brought her child over and started a new family away from her motherland.

I can relate to the character to a certain extent, and i can heave a sigh of relief, cos there're probably many other pple out there who are enduring a bigger doseage of unloving and unsatisfying r/s than me. Cos they married the pple who don't love them or pple who don't bother to be the best lover tt they can be.

I should probably stop reading books like this, but it seems that my current lifestyle is so meaningless (apart from watching anime and going out) tt i decided i have to do some readings and perphaps continue learning the Japanese language to stimulate my mind & exercise. I hate to admit this, but my metabolism rate isn't as high as it used to be.

Just overnight, a huge chunk of my life came apart, and i'm coping with all the changes and the emotional ripples of the aftermath. From frustration to disappointments to giving up hope to grief & resignation, i have learnt tt some things just aren't worth tt much of my time and effort.

I'm not tt sad anymore, but nonetheless affected by the unintentional hurts. While taking things in my stride, i've been sorting my emotions and discover tt i kinda resent you or have a growing hatred towards you..which i'm trying to curb by telling myself tt i must release you from all the hurts tt you've done to me. After all, hatred ensnares the heart & contaminates it by holding onto unreleased grudges against a particular person. If forgiving you means releasing myself from anger n hatred, den i'm gonna do it.

No amount of sorries and "i didn't mean to hurt u", can erase ur sense of guilt (probably not)..which probably resulted in today's conversation over msn. I dun appreciate your acts of concern cos even if u're truly sincere about knowing my welfare, i'm biased against you to begin with, and will think otherwise abt ur agenda..The last thing i ever want from you is sympathy. It would be best tt u dun contact me in the months to come. Goodbye and take care